Sort your F*cking Life Out: comedy

Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Elephant

Originally published in Chimp Magazine May 2010

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Office Angel

Originally Published in Chimp Magazine

CONCERNED ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARRIVE HERE AFTER GOOGLING "HOW DO I SORT MY LIFE OUT"?

Some tips:

1) Try mapping your life in a spreadsheet format. Include room for graphs which could show potential progress in quatifiable elements like "Hours spent not napping" or "Days spent filled with an unwarranted yet powerful hatred for innocuous or inanimate subjects (such as Jack Whitehall, The sound of chewing, or the metaphysical concept of identity)

2) Try deconstructing the fact that you have mapped your life in a spreadsheet format to find out what that means. Map your conclusions on a separate spreadsheet, but keep them in the same folder on your desktop and, if possible, create transitional charts to analyse "Worth of spreadsheet Vs Worthlessness of life".

3) Collate all data and present in a ring binder, being sure to add keys to graphs and titles to findings where necessary, in case the valuable evidence should become confused. Then go to a bus stop and climb aboard the first bus to arrive.

4) Wait for someone to sit next to you on the bus. Once they are seated, wait a few stops for them to become accustomed to your presence, then hand over the ringbinder and get off the bus without saying anything.

5) Walk home from wherever you have found yourself, gather all of your possessions and take them to a charity shop. Then go to the charity shop across the road and buy all the worldly possessions you think you will need.

6) Paint your walls a different colour, start referring to yourself in the third person, and change your job and friends.

7) Repeat.

Sort your F*cking Life Out

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Elephant

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Office Angel

CONCERNED ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARRIVE HERE AFTER GOOGLING "HOW DO I SORT MY LIFE OUT"?

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Sort your F*cking Life Out

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Elephant

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Office Angel

CONCERNED ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARRIVE HERE AFTER GOOGLING "HOW DO I SORT MY LIFE OUT"?

Looking for the Old Blog?

Subscribe To

My Blog List

Followers

Blog Archive

About Me

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